Thinking Back
by Telturwen
Summary: Ever wonder what went on in the Marauder's heads after they pranked, while they studied, at random parts of the day? Yes, you see what I'm getting at, all those crazy thoughts in drabble form. Short, sweet, and funny, just like them. UPDATED and complete!
1. Curtains Crest

**Disclaimer:** Let's just say, for the sake of simplicity, it's all Rowling's...except for the part where I wrote it.  
**A/N: **This is a collection of drabbles or a-little-more-than drabbles (ranging from 100 to 150 words) about the Marauder's thoughts and experiences throughout their years at Hogwarts and the years that follow during the First War. So as not to be confusing, the point of views are Remus, Peter, James and Sirius, in that order. To lessen confusion, I'll find a way to put name to drabble. Please enjoy!

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**Thinking Back **  
_Curtains Crest_

**Trust**

I'm really nervous about beginning my first year at Hogwarts. For me, it'll be significantly harder because of the fact that I'm…well, I'm not like the other students there. I'm a werewolf. But I'm a nice person once you get to know me! It's not like I'm the wolf all the time. It's painful when I am, though. I can't stop myself from doing anything and if I _do_ do something harmful, I remember it, and I have to live with it. Knowing I could do nothing to stop myself doesn't help either. After a time, I figured out why 'wear' is the prefix. Dumbledore said he's going to make it possible for me to go to school no matter what. I haven't been told how exactly he'll be doing this, but he's a brilliant man, Dumbledore. I trust him, which is saying something, because I can't even trust myself.  
- Moony

**Truth**

We've known him for three months now and Remus just told us that he was a werewolf. That gave me a shock—and yes, it had been necessary to faint! It was a manly faint. That's what James told me. He might've been teasing though…he seems to do that a lot and I can't tell anymore. Sirius has a plan for us to become Animigi so that we can run around on a full moon when Remus turns. Apparently werewolves don't attack animals, but I just heard that from Sirius, so I don't know if it's true. We're planning on starting the project soon. Remus doesn't know and I don't think we want him to. He'd probably say no, so I'm tempted to slip him a hint. I really am scared out of my pants about this whole thing. Especially the part where I have to turn into an animal.  
- Wormtail

**Certainty**

I don't know why, but it just feels right. You know how two rights make a wrong or something? Well, this is nothing like that. It's like a wrong and right making a right. Like when a person looks at another person and they just know they're going to have each other's babies. I saw her and I knew. Lily Evans is going to have my babies. It's principal now, because I can tell that she hates my guts. It kind of makes me want her even more. She's like forbidden fruit, harder to get at and has a hell of a lot more consequences, but tastes so much better in your mouth. It's only year three. I still have four more years to make her love me. That's plenty of time.  
- Prongs

**Pestilence**

His name is Severus Snape and we all hate him. He's a little greasy-haired git who thinks he's so much better than everyone else. Thinks he's so intelligent and always puts on a holier-than-thou attitude. That's _our _thing! We've been at each other's throats for years now—how long have we been in school? Four? Yeah, that's it. Four years and we're still browbeating. I suppose it's just turned into habit. See him, jinx him, move on. Probably get detention for it later because he's a prat who has no dignity and he'll be proud to sick a teacher on your arse. I don't care much. He's just a pest, an annoyance, and I hope he burns his eyebrows off bending over his cauldron…damn, that's a good idea. I think I'll give him a little help with that next period.  
- Padfoot


	2. Amity Always

**Disclaimer:** Simple said, Rowling owns.  
**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews so far. I hope you're still enjoying this and keep reviewing!

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**Thinking Back**_**  
**Amity Always_

**Surprise**

I would never have expected this from them. Never in all my life expected to see my three friends—cocky and selfish—doing something so incredibly heartfelt. I don't think they know how much it means to me that they transformed themselves so that they could be with me and, ultimately, help me. They took me completely by surprised when they turned in front of me for the first time. I was speechless, and for good reason. I'm dumbfounded still, I admit, but I'm so thankful for what they did. Tonight it's the full moon and there's a hoof-tapping stag, a big panting dog and a tiny squeaking rat surrounding me. This is the first full moon that I've ever looked forward to.  
- Moony

**Adrenaline**

Gotta get to the trunk. Gotta get there, gotta make it before that stupid giant tree smashes my tiny bones into a million pieces. Every single time I do this…_there!_ I heave a huge mouthful of air, or as big as a rat's lungs can handle, and put one of my paws on the knob. Done. The tree stops its eerie swaying and its branches quit waving wildly about. I figure I'm safe now, so I close my eyes tight, opening them again to see two human hands, shaking and grimy, on the ground in front of me. Thankfully they're still attached to my arms.  
"Are you always going to be worrying that you'll loose a finger whenever you transform, Worm?"  
I looked hurriedly at the three boys coming to meet me. "I…well, you never know!"  
- Wormtail

**Secrecy**

I clapped my hands over my mouth in an attempt to muffle out the brainless gloating that came from my damned vocal cords. How could I have thought to say something like that? We all know how big a secret this whole Animigus thing is and if I keep accidentally letting slip a few hints here, a few hints there, someone is bound to figure it out. Sirius slaps me upside the head whenever I voice a side note, and after a couple thousand brain cells lost you would think I'd get it through my thick skull. But I guess what everyone says is true. I'm a bigheaded egocentric with far too much time on his hands. Ah, well. At least I'm not a complete and total nutter like the big black dog here—_gah!_ I did it again!  
- Prongs

**Tricks**

You know, I've always wondered about these dorms and why boys trying to get to the girls' results in a Slip 'n Slide (I dunno, apparently it's a Muggle thing). It was plaguing my mind, since I've really got nothing better to think about. I was sitting in the Common Room the other day and saw this cat waltzing around and I had the strongest urge to chase it. No one was around, mind you, so I morphed into the mutt. I had a grand time harassing that cat, until it ran up to the girls' dormitories, that is. I could tell that it wasn't a female feline, so I figured if he could get up there…It was like heaven. I got quite a good show from a few Gryffindor girls in their dorms before a pretty brunette shooed me away. Now I know why no boys are allowed.  
- Padfoot


	3. Distinct Destinies

**A/N:**Again, thank you for the reviews. Please keep R&Ring!

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**Thinking Back**_**  
**Distinct Destinies_

**Responsibility**

I'm not really too worried about exams, though I rarely show my confidence on my sleeve like certain people I'm acquainted with. I study like a madman and only get slightly better grades than them as well. And how much do they study? In addition to my studies, I've got my responsibilities as prefect to keep up with. The position sometimes makes me feel like an outsider in my group of friends, but sometimes it makes me feel superior. I am entitled to give them all hell if they annoy me, so it's made my life just a little bit easier. Unfortunately, the amount of which I have control over them in any other area is minimal to none. I didn't expect any when I got my badge, so it hasn't been a disappointment. I try not to think about it. More important things than catching James snorting Floo Powder.  
- Moony

**Belonging**

There are times when I feel like a complete idiot around my friends. All right, that's not entirely true. It's most of the time. Sometimes they emphasize my stupidity and make me feel like an even greater idiot. 'Course they tease me. It's what they do. And of course I'm going to pretend like it doesn't hurt. I'm their friend. Well…so that's not true either. It's because they'd take the mickey out of me if they found out I was sensitive. Blokes aren't supposed to be sensitive about their intelligence. So when my voice cracks or I attempt to make a joke that turns out to be a lot less funny than it was in my head, I get laughed at. Guess that's the way it is. Never saw any other guys complain about it. I'm just different, I suppose. Whether that's good or bad, I've yet to find out.  
- Wormtail

**Annoyance**

Stupid Evans. Stupid bloody too-good-to-spare-me-a-glance Evans. She just plain ignores me now. I could understand before, when I used to poke fun at her, but I've been really well-mannered lately. I snuck up behind her yesterday and offered her a few lilies. I might've ruined the moment by saying, "Hey, you match," but she didn't have to roll her eyes and shove them away like that. Ever since I became Head Boy she's been acting all straitlaced and priggish, as if she'd rightly earned her title and I'd somehow stolen mine. I honestly haven't a clue as to why Dumbledore gave me the job, but I'm not 'abusing my powers,' as they say. Those bloody flowers were nothing but a pile of petals when I was through with them…but I couldn't help but notice she'd kept one.  
- Prongs

**Independence**

It feels weird to step into _my_ house, knowing that this is where I'll be living come September. Knowing that I've graduated school and I've got everything I need to make it alone in this world. I keep thinking I'll be going back to Hogwarts in the fall, like I haven't learned enough yet. What am I supposed to do with myself now? I'm thinking about a job. McGonagall said I could be an Auror, but she hadn't suggested it, what with my reckless habits. I'd probably kill the wrong person. No, I've decided on a less problematic area of work, preferably just as time-consuming. I don't want to waste away in this house. It's great that I have it, that I don't have to listen to anyone, that I'm on my own, but…nope, it's pretty much great.  
- Padfoot


	4. Intense Indecision

**A/N: **Merry Christmas! Here's your present, hope you like it, because there are no refunds.

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** Thinking Back**_**  
**Intense Indecision_

**Joining**

Life takes you by surprise, and I've found that this happens more often for me than anyone else. Maybe it's because I'm not paying attention. I graduated not more than six months ago and Dumbledore has asked me to join his secret society as a part of the 'force against the coming darkness'—Voldemort. I'm uneasy about joining, though James, Sirius and Peter didn't hesitate. I'm still just a kid, you know. I'm not ready to go out and fight evil, risking my life. Not yet, anyways. I suppose I'm the only one who would rather sit at home and let others fight. And I feel terrible about it! It'll eat at me and I know myself well enough to know I'm going to join regardless. It's just…I'm scared.  
- Moony

**Consideration**

Every time I hear his name, I shiver. It's not the name I fear, but the man. I'm always telling myself that my life is going to be just fine, that he won't come into it again—he'll forget about me. But I'm not stupid enough to believe my lies. The crazy Black bitch showed up at my door the other day and gave me a good reminder of what would happen to me if I didn't tell the Dark Lord all I knew. And I will. I'll do whatever it takes. I know James and his family's lives are in my hands, but I…there's no way to justify...He deserves it. After the humiliation he's put me through—all of them. They should have seen it coming. I'm a coward, always have been. They shouldn't have trusted me. It's not my fault they're so gullible. Not my fault.  
- Wormtail

**Bliss**

I have the best life anyone could ever wish for. And that's all they can do—wish. I _have_ it. Who would have thought a year and a half out of school I'd be raising a child with the woman of my dreams? My life couldn't get any better than this. Sure, my son may be destined for a terrible fate that lay in the hands of the most feared wizard in the world, but every piece of perfect has its setbacks. We're safe from it all. Dumbledore's going to look after us. We'll soon be under the protection of a Fedilius Charm and Sirius as our secret keeper. We don't have to worry about a thing. I feel bad about leaving the Order to fight the evil alone, but Lily and Harry need me more. Anyways, I can't think of a place I'd rather be than right here.  
- Prongs

**Suspicion**

He knew it was impossible. There was no plausible explanation for Remus to have done something like this. He never would. Not after all they'd done for him. He was their friend—was his friend. Even if Voldemort had tortured him brutally, Remus would never sell out his friends. Sirius knew him too well to let even the possibility of it creep into his mind. And yet there it was, hidden in the deepest corners of his thoughts. A hint, reasonable and conniving, that wouldn't leave him the hell alone. Remus was not the traitor. Was not. Was _not_...was he?  
- Padfoot


	5. Faded Futures

**Author's Note: **Here are the last two chapters! I decided to do something nice for Christmas, and please enjoy them! If you'd like to let me know what you think *cough*review*cough*, that'd be awesome.

_**  
Future Faded**_

**Divide**

I don't understand. I've been nothing but helpful to the Order, and now they won't trust me with the most simple of tasks. I can't even go on a routine pick-up without having to write a full report, if I even get to go at all. I'm beginning to think they have doubts about me. It could have something to do with my "furry little problem," as James so cleverly words it, but I don't think they'd have such a bias, since I have Dumbledore looking out for me. At least I think I do. Even Sirius has been on edge around me, and I've never experienced his edgy side. It's sort of frightening. When James wouldn't tell me who their Secret Keeper was, he told me it was just a precaution, but I have the feeling even Peter knows. What is going on? Why is everyone acting so paranoid?  
- Moony

**Betrayal**

There was nothing that I could really do to help the Dark Lord. Nothing that I could tell him that he didn't already know. Severus was stealing all my thunder. Merlin only knows why Dumbledore trusted him enough to let him in the Order, but me—I was inconspicuous. I was a nobody that hung around with the "favorites." I have to admit, I didn't think it'd be Sirius that accused Remus of betrayal, but I suppose my little hint actually _had _gotten to him. They may have thought I was stupid and simple my entire life, but really _I'm_ the one who will be playing them this time, and this is the time that really matters. "Of course I'll be your Secret Keeper, James."  
- Wormtail

**Strength**

As long as Lily and Harry are safe, nothing else matters. Lily is an excellent witch, and if anyone could defeat Voldemort, it would be someone like her. They didn't prepare us for this, you know: dying for the ones you love. They didn't even tell us it was an option. Even when Voldemort walks through that door, I won't be able to do much. He's at the height of his power—especially if he's discovered how to get through a Fedilius Charm. Bloody hell, I'm nervous. I've never been more terrified in my entire life, but what I'm most worried about are the two more important people in my life hiding upstairs. I'll do everything in my power to save them, but I already know it won't be enough. But a dead man can still hope. Well…here goes nothing.  
- Prongs

**Anguish**

How could this happen? How do things like this _happen_? Maybe there's a reason for everything. Maybe that reason is even a good one, in the end, but _how could this happen?_ We were so careful, so practical about every little decision we made just to avoid something like this. The fire burns against my skin; I'm stumbling over the rubble, trying to get to Harry. I can hear him screaming upstairs. At least one of them is alive. James' body was lying on the floor as I walked in. And that's all it was—his body. "I'm coming Harry!" I choke out. That's the only thing keeping me going now, getting Harry out alive. My best friend is dead. His wife is dead. I was too late for them, but I will die before Harry does as well. And there'll be plenty of time after to think about dying…  
- Padfoot


	6. Curtains Close

**Author's Note: **Hey guys, thanks so much for sticking with me for so long! I hope you enjoy the last two chapters and let me know what you think. :D I hope I don't completely put you off the holiday spirit because of how much angst is in here though. Sorry if I do!

_**Curtains Close**_

**Knowing**

The past few days have been quiet. The only thing I could think to do is read, so I buried myself in books. I flipped pages, sure, but I didn't see a single word that I read. I couldn't get my mind off the Potters. They had their Fedilius Charm up so they would be safe for the time being, but the whole ordeal about the prophecy unnerves me. I've been going over it in my head for days, and the only thing I've come up with is I hope to god it's a lie. And I have this gut-wrenching feeling telling me nothing is ever going to be the same. My brain is usually right, not my gut, so I'm going to trust what has served me well in the past. Everything's going to be fine. I know it.  
- Moony

**Guilt**

I finally did it. I paid James back for all the terrible things he'd done to me as a kid. And it felt good. It felt justified. For about thirty seconds. That's when the guilt set it. And now all I can think about is James and Lily's faces. They won't leave me alone—and I can't close my eyes without seeing them, staring at me in disappointment, betrayal. I want nothing more now than to curl up in a hole and hide. I can't believe what I did. I always knew this was coming, knew what I had planned to do, but why did I let myself do it? I'd been their friend once. They were the closest thing I had to family. And now, they're all going to die. Because of me.  
- Wormtail

**Death**

"Do you ever think about the future?" asked Sirius in the Common Room one afternoon. We all stared into the fireplace at the dancing flames.  
I sighed. "I see myself in a cozy little cottage by a lake. Evans in a cute little French maid outfit in the kitchen—"  
"Prongs!" We all had a good laugh at the surprise in Remus' voice.  
"What about being dead?"  
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused. "What it'd be like to be dead?" He nodded. "I suppose it'd be like white noise, really…like the silence you can hear where there is no noise. And then…everything."  
"Everything?"  
"Everything you never had in life—you'd have it."  
"Huh…" Sirius said thoughtfully. "That sounds a hell of a lot better than living, doesn't it?"  
I looked across at my friends and hesitated before saying, "Maybe…"  
- Prongs

**Innocence**

I'm innocent. They wrestled me down into that Godforsaken place anyway. They didn't have evidence, though a man laughing madly in the middle of an alleyway surrounded by twelve dead Muggles might constitute some sort of evidence. I'm too shocked to care about anything. I let them drag me to my cell. I let them feed off my sorrows. I let myself be devoured piece by piece. And now that I think about it, am I really innocent? I allowed this to happen. If I hadn't been so suspicious, I would never have let Peter become their Secret Keeper. They would never have switched. They would never have died. So on second thought, it is all my fault. I am guilty. … I think I'm going to start to like these Memory Suckers. At least after they're done with me it won't hurt so much.  
- Padfoot


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